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My Bloody Valentine 3D


Stars: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Tom Atkins, Kevin Tighe, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Edi Gathegi, Megan Boone, Karen Baum, Joy de la Paz, Marc Macaulay, Todd Farmer

Director: Patrick Lussier

When inspiration runs out, moviemakers cheerfully turn to remakes and sequels for salvation. And so we are offered this gaudy, gory remake of a deceased 1981 Canadian second feature shocker brought vividly to speed with an excess of full-frontal guts and blood that, diabolically well filmed in 3D, should prove eminently to the taste of horrorflick fans.

The plot is much as before – a mad miner breathing asthmatically to add an extra touch of scariness (did someone remember Blake Edwards’ 1962 Experiment in Terror?) and wearing a gas mask returns from the dead (now there’s a surprise!) and returns to his bloody business of luridly laying waste to all and sundry to death in a small mining town.

Largely unknown leads (Ackles and King) add impact, while what little actual acting (as opposed to running, screaming and looking terrified) is needed is supplied by such reliable character actors as Atkins and Tighe.

Director-cowriter Lussier sensibly settles for supplying solid if familiar- enough shocks, chills and thrills in glorious colour and wonderfully effective 3D. Where the daddy of 3D films Bwana Devil offered you ‘a lion in your lap’ Lussier is less of a pussy. So if you fancy having a human eye pushed into yours, receiving the sharp end of a pickaxe on several occasions, being splashed with blood and marveling at the many ways a pickaxe can be used to dispose of a cliched character, this shameless shocker delivers the nasty goods. But be warned - taking someone to see it for a St Valentine Day’s treat might be a major mistake.

Alan Frank

USA 2009. UK Distributor: Lionsgate. Colour.
101 minutes. Widescreen. UK certificate: 18.

Guidance ratings (out of 3): Sex/nudity 0, Violence/Horror 3, Drugs 0, Swearing 2.

Review date: 20 Jan 2009