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Canyons, The


Stars: Lindsay Lohan, James Deen, Nolan Funk, Amanda Brooks, Tenille Houston, Gus Van Sant

Director: Paul Schrader

With Schrader (American Gigolo) directing and a screenplay by Bret Easton Ellis, who wrote the novel American Psycho, what could go wrong with this venture?

Well, pretty much everything. With hardly a story to speak of, the movie is slow, slow, soft porn with a dash of splatter and lots of people driving around the less interesting parts of Los Angeles. Cheap-looking and cheesy, it represents a big step down for Schrader (it's his first film for five years).

Its also another step on the downward path for Lohan, who plays the lover of a Z-movie producer/rich kid (Deen) with a sadistic streak, who pimps her out for no good reason I could see. An old lover (the expressionless Funk} comes back into her life as the leading man in the rich guy's latest movie, and he and Lohan resume their affair.

There's lots of completely gratuitous nudity, but it's almost as uninteresting as the rest of the picture. Lohan still shows remnants of puppy-dog charm from her Disney days, but Deen gives the kind of performance you'd expect from an ex-porn star, totally lacking in light and shade.

It's a complete waste of time.

David Quinlan

USA 2013. UK Distributor: Jade Films. Colour (unspecified).
99 minutes. Widescreen. UK certificate: 18.

Guidance ratings (out of 3): Sex/nudity 2, Violence/Horror 1, Drugs 1, Swearing 3.

Review date: 10 May 2014