Immortals

Stars: Henry Cavill, Freida Pinto, Mickey Rourke, John Hurt, Stephen Dorff, Luke Evans, Isabel Lucas

Director: Tarsem Singh Dhandwar

Though the western may be dead, filmland's obsession with 'easterns' continues. This rather unnecessarily violent offshoot (trimmed by the UK censors) from Clash of the Titans focuses on the bastard peasant Theseus (Cavill), who may be the only warrior capable of thwarting the plans of the evil Hyperion (Rourke, in scenery-chomping mood), who seeks the Bow of Epirus, with which to rule over mankind.

Hyperion does eventually get his hands on the bow, which fires unending (but lethal) arrows, although it doesn't seem to do him much good.

There's a 'virgin oracle' (Pinto) who's on Theseus' side (and, eventually, in his bed) and a final siege that resembles the Alamo all over again, as Hyperion's hordes prepare to massacre Theseus and his gallant few at their castle.

Never fear, though, whenever Theseus is in trouble, the gods, though a quarrelsome lot, are guaranteed to come to his rescue. This takes most of the suspense out of the battles, as it's a bit like the Cavalry inevitably turning up at the last knockings.

There's lots of (formulaic) action and special effects. but the script is woeful and the 3D adds little, even though the burnished skyscapes are undeniably impressive. Thousands get slaughtered; lots of people wear masks and silly hats.

David Quinlan

USA/UK/Canada/India 2011. UK Distributor: Universal. Technicolor.
114 minutes. Widescreen. UK certificate: 15.

Guidance ratings (out of 3): Sex/nudity 1, Violence/Horror 2, Drugs 0, Swearing 0.

Review date: 09 Nov 2011